you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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