Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
