ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
