I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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