Nicole vs. Life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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