She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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