i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
