Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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