dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
