Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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