is your mom at the bar?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
