i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
