I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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