Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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