Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
