R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
