you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
