My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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