I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my shit smells like andre
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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