I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
