My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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