If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i would one night stand the shit outta him
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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