i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
