watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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