shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
