she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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