when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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