Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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