fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
