I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
