I have demons in me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
