we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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