and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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