they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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