Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
