Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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