my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
