I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
