ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
