I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
