I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
