Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
