My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
