her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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