if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
