do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
