jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
