Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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