I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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