For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
