Do you still have your period?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
